sample admission essay

Here’s the raw biographic data we processed for the outline.  Reprinted with permission per the terms of our free sample admission essay outlines program :

1.      Personal bio information : 17 years old, male, ¼ Indian (Asian subcontinent) – I am the grandchild of an Indian immigrant. My grandfather (religion – Zoroastrian) emigrated here to go to college and eventually became a citizen.  I am heterosexual, live in Texas, high income level, US citizen (born in the US).  Plan to go to law school.  Undergrad – leaning toward business because the school I am interested in has a really top-notch business school.  Most of my academic interests, though, lean toward “how things work”, and sciences (AP physics was my favorite class last year).  So, I am considering something along the lines of a business school degree with a focus on computer science/applications programming.

Grades : Not in the top 10% (a huge consideration for Texas schools), but am in the top 20% at a very competitive high school (my high school is a public general admission high school (not a magnet or specialized school) that is listed as #52 in the current Newsweek high school rankings).  My grades are good – up through the first semester of my junior year last year, I had an average of 93.3670 (unweighted).  During last semester (the second semester of my junior year), I took 5 AP classes and made a GPA for that semester of 87.  I have taken 8 AP exams and made four 4′s and two 3′s (and a 2 but there was a distraction (fire alarm) reported by our school during the administration of that exam).

Test Scores : ACT – Composite score of 30 (Eng:  31; Math 27: Reading 35: science 27; Combine English/writing:  29); SAT – Critical Reading – 720, Math-660; Writing 680 (Mult. Choice 70; Essay 08).  SAT Math Level 1 Subject Test:  670.

2.      Specific Question(s) : Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

MBA/Medical School/Law School Applicants: N/A

Life Experiences: I participated on the JV tennis team for my school tennis team during my freshman and sophomore years.  In the summer between those two years, I took a summer school class (Health) to free up my school schedule to fit in tennis practices my sophomore year.  During the summer after my sophomore year I worked part-time for an orthodontist in order to see if dental school might an opportunity I’d like to pursue.  I like science, and also like working with my hands (origami, juggling), so I thought dentistry might be an interesting career option for me.  I really learned a lot of interesting things, and really enjoyed the work.  However, I decided to keep looking around at other career options.  One thing I learned from the orthodontist, Dr. _____, is that you really are a small business owner when you run your own dental practice.  He had majored in business for his undergraduate degree, and did all of his own taxes.  I saw many facets of how Dr. _____ ran his business and decided that, although I’m not particularly interested in running my own small business or professional practice, a background in business can be very valuable in all kinds of different careers.  This summer, I decided to try out a business class at the local community college to see how I liked it.  I am taking Accounting.  I also attended an Honors Colloquium at the university that I am interested in, and was able to meet and have lunch with some faculty from the business school.  These experiences have led me to believe that I would really appreciate and enjoy an opportunity to be a part of the business school.  I am not sure, though, that Accounting is something I’d want to major in.  Because I like science and learning how things work, I was particularly inspired by a session at the Honors Colloquium that covered computer programming and Artificial Intelligence.  This experience led me to decide to take a Computer Science course this upcoming semester.  I am hoping to meld these two interests in my undergraduate coursework by pursuing a business degree that is focused on information systems and business applications programming.  Regarding hardships, I tried out for the tennis team for my junior year, but did not make the team.  This was disappointing, especially since I had made the team the two previous years and had trained all summer for the tryouts.  This experience taught me that disappointments can lead to opportunity.  Because I had a free period last that would have been taken up with tennis practice, I was able to take a heavier and more interesting academic course load (I took 6 AP classes last year), including AP Physics.  I am interested in an urban southern university with a sort of “hippie” vibe.  I would characterize myself as a vinyl junkie and a “peace-nik” (I don’t go to protests or anything, but quietly live out my beliefs by writing letters to my congressman and senator, and am a member of the Lutheran Peace Fellowship), and enjoy informed debate with people of diverse viewpoints.  I love satire (Mark Twain, the Daily Show, The Colbert Report, The Onion) because you have to really understand and think about the other side’s point of view in order to create good satire.

Favorite Quote or Song Lyric: Toss up between “Imagine all the people, living life in peace” (John Lennon, Imagine) and “Mama, put my guns in the ground” (Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door, Bob Dylan).  Both of these quotes speak to me because they advocate non-violence and I agree with their anti-war message.  I enjoying listening to both of these songs on vinyl, on my father’s old LP player from the 80′s, which he and I rebuilt together a few years ago.  My favorite hobby is collecting and listening to vintage vinyl LP albums.

Existing rough answer to the admissions question:

Question:

Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

Rough outlined answer:

To those who know me, I am a laid-back, satire-loving vinyl junkie who, truth be told, finds history a little dry and boring. So I surprised myself by choosing to write this essay about my U.S. History teacher,____________.  Surprising, that is, until I realized that _______ taught history in a way that appealed to my penchant for figuring out how things work and helped me recognize and develop my interest in understanding multiple points of view.

Multiple points of view.  My History teacher tried to help his students understand why things happened in history, not just how they happened

* Diverse points of view throughout history and how they influenced the relationships that ultimately wrote history
* He encouraged his students to try lots of “What if?” thinking in order to fully understand what the situations were and how they could have been different/avoided.
* Helped students to look at both sides of conflict throughout history. Helped show that the winning side wasn’t always in the right and how often there was grey area surrounding motives for conflict.
* For more recent history, he provided anecdotes from his personal life. Either personal experiences or stories told to him by older people. Helped to bring to life the history and to help relate to the situations faced by real people, not just dry facts but actual occurrences that affected the lives of people who lived at the time.

He tried not only to teach us history, but also how to think about history. He encouraged us to think for ourselves which allowed for a deeper understanding and mastery of the material.

* Tried to guide rather than instruct us. He made it feel like we were reasoning out what happened instead of just telling us who did what and when.
* More about understanding the reasons things happened rather than precise dates.
* Wanted us to follow the spirit of the law instead of just the letter. Wanted us to understand the rules and the reason behind them.

* Thought humor and satire were valuable teaching tools. Would always make super-lame history puns. Liked Colbert Report and Daily Show. When I wore a “Stewart /Colbert For President ‘08” shirt to school I got an approving look and a little fist pump from him.
* When leaning about the Witch Trials, he showed Monty Python.

Played music before every class when people were still coming in from the passing period. Including vinyl records and Stairway to Heaven. (Transition here to paragraph about vinyl collecting.)

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Our free college admission essay outline based on the biographic information and rough outlined answer above:

I. Personal biographic information
I have chosen to start the essay with my personal biographic information because I feel that it’s important for the admissions officers to have an idea of who I am and what my interests are. Aside from stating basic information such as my age and where I live, I have also included some facts such as the activities I do. These include being part of the JV tennis team during my freshman and sophomore years, liking origami and juggling, and having an inclination towards business.

The reasons I have selected to highlight certain information about myself are as follows:
1. The activities I have involved in reflect my diverse interests.
2. My interests range not just on the purely academic pursuits but also on those that promote my being healthy. I feel that a well-rounded individual would be a worthy addition to the student body.
3. My part-time jobs and my initiative to take up a basic business course reflect my inclination toward the field of business.

II. Life experiences
I discussed how I spent my free time and what experiences led me to choose a business program for college. These experiences include working part-time for an orthodontist, attending a business class at a local community college, and attending an Honors Colloquium at a university.

III. About my US history teacher
I have chosen my US history teacher as the person who has made a significant impact in my life. The qualities exhibited by my history teacher that I find admirable are:

1. his focus on the relevance of history to people in general
2. his ability to develop our critical thinking skills when he poses provocative questions
3. his style of covering every angle of a historical event
4. his unique teaching styles, which made up develop a deeper appreciation on the subject

Generally, I have chosen my US history teacher because he taught history in a way that made me like and understand the subject on a deeper level. He made me realize and develop my desire for learning how things work. Aside from that, he taught us principles that were applicable not only in history, but also in other subjects and different areas of our everyday lives.

Are you planning to apply to college?  The following college admissions terms are often encountered in the application process.  You may want to get familiar with them.

College admissions glossary: selecting the universities and programs you are interested in

It is very likely that you would encounter college admissions terms in your application. Here are a few things that would help you understand such jargon:

Associate degree

It is a program that is designed to be completed after two years. Generally, an associate degree)  is created to give students a background on a particular academic field. If the college or university permits, students finishing these degrees could continue their studies into a bachelor’s degree. Students usually choose these programs because they require less completion time than a bachelor’s degree. Ask the college admissions officer of the university you’re applying to about these programs.

Early admissions programs

Some college admissions offices offer early admissions or early decision programs. The applications for college admissions programs usually starts in November or December. The result of the application would be given to you even if the regular application has not started yet. However, you could only apply to a single early college admissions program. Once admitted, the school would automatically count you as one of their enrollees.

Early action programs

This kind of college admissions program is very similar to early admissions. You will have to apply early so you can be immediately informed of your application status. Unlike students admitted through early admissions programs, the students who used the early action programs are not obliged to enroll in the school. They can still opt to cancel their application even if they have already been admitted.

College admissions glossary: the application process

The following is a list of the common college admissions requirements that you would need to have. Take note that there are times when academic institutions have different sets of college admissions requirements.

Letters of recommendation

College applicants who are seeking scholarship grants need to submit letters of recommendation. These letters are part of the college admissions requirements. You would need someone (not a relative) to write about your skills. Ideally, the people who would write these college admissions requirements should be able to vouch for your abilities and credentials. You can ask your academic adviser or work superior to write these letters.

Personal statement

The personal statement is also popularly called the college application essay. Applicants need to write a personal statement as part of the college admissions requirements. College admissions screening committees use this essay to know the applicant more. A well written personal statement could very well compensate for an average GPA or SAT score. You could also visit websites that provide free college admissions essay samples. They could help you improve the way you write your application essay.

SAT score

SAT stands for Scholastic Admission Test. SAT is made up of two parts: math and verbal evaluation tests.  Colleges and universities require all their applicants to take this kind of test. College admissions offices use SAT scores as one of the bases for college applications.

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