sample admission essay

Living in a dorm with roommates you hardly know can be quite difficult and, at times, downright frustrating. For many people though, college life is practically synonymous with dorm life. For all of those college students who are having a hard time with dorm life,
Dorm Delicious may be right up their alley. Dorm Delicious is a blog that discusses practically anything that has to do with dorm life, including decor ideas and decoration advice. Aside from dorm-related topics, the blog also features college-related topics, like how to meet people in college.

Tasty treats of Dorm Delicious

What’s delicious about Dorm Delicious is that the blog is doing almost everything right. The blog has a specific target audience, content that speaks to that audience, and a solid web layout. The color scheme, article pictures, link arrangement, and general layout all give the page a distinct style and feel that is unique and easily recognizable. The blog articles themselves are well-written and relevant.

Not so delicious nuggets

Despite all of the positive features of Dorm Delicious, there is one big factor that it failed at. The DormDelicious blog has the motto: “making the world more delicious one room at a time.” My gripe with this is that the website itself doesn’t look delicious, so how can you get your audience to believe and buy-into what you are trying to present. If Dorm Delicious can turn its web design into something that is more attractive, appealing, and tasty, then visitors would truly understand and see the mission and vision of Dorm Delicious to “make the world more delicious.” Although the design is unique (as mentioned above), it lacks that professional-quality web design that would put it over the top. Still, the blog is doing well with its large pool of content and its solid user base.

“Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.” -  Booker T. Washington

This quote has long been one of the most important sources of  inspiration in my life.  Aside from bidding sound advice, Washington also alludes to how powerful an influence each person can be in another person’s life.  It is not only important to surround yourself with good people and avoid bad company, but it is also paramount to make your own self-exemplary of a person of good quality.  This is the reason I want to pursue my graduate studies at the Prairie View A&M University College of Business.  I feel that Prairie View is the best environment for surrounding myself with good people and for my own formation into an even better person who can be a positive influence on those around me.

Washington’s quote resounds loudly in me because I share the same beliefs.  My primary aspiration in life is to obtain a PhD in management and, ultimately, become a professor at a top-tier historically black college and university, like Prairie View A&M.  I believe that education is one of the principal means of sharing who I am and what I have to give to others, as I strive to be that person of good quality and help others become better people themselves.  Achieving an MBA degree from Prairie View A&M will be a major step toward my aspirations and goals in life.  Aside from having an excellent business school with an outstanding MBA program, the institution is also a prominent historical symbol as Texas’ second oldest public institution of higher learning established to educate a diverse student population.  This falls right in line with my goal to teach in a historically black college or university.

Business plays a central role in our lives, in society, and in the way that the world continues to develop.  Business and the effects that ripple out from it have a strong effect on the human psyche and how we live our day to day lives.  Even in the context of the economic crisis we are suffering, we can see that business is cardinal, affecting practically every aspect of our lives from pricing and income, to employment and consumerism.  To be a positive and meaningful influence on the business minds of today and tomorrow is my perennial goal.

Growing up, I was fortunate enough to have both of my parents in the household to raise me.  This was quite different from the family background of many of my other friends, but it is something I am deeply grateful for.  My parents played an active role in my formation, and there was one thing that they always emphasized and encouraged in my life: education.  They helped  foster in me an attitude of passion, dedication, and discipline toward education that drives my ambitions.  Even more importantly, though, it is precisely that passion, dedication, and discipline that I wish to impart on others through my MBA education at Prairie View A&M, and my role as a future PhD-holder and professor in the field of business.

Outlined used for this Essay:

I.  Most inspirational quote for me

I started the essay with my favorite quote from Booker T. Washington, “Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company” because of the following reasons:

1.  It reflects what I want to achieve in life.
2.  The quote discusses the importance of good company, good quality people, and the effect that one person can have on another.
3.  The quote helps explain that I want to be a good person who can positively affect those around me, and that Prairie View A&M is an ideal educational environment for fostering the right qualities and characteristics in me.

II.  Further explanation of the quote on a more personal level, going over how it ties in with my aspirations

In this part, I discussed my aspirations to obtain a PhD in management and to become a professor in a HBCU.  I also discussed about Prairie View A&M as a top-tier HBCU and, hence, makes for the perfect place to get training, education, and experience.

I explained my view of education and its major role of shaping people.  Becoming a teacher is the best way for me to share everything that I am to help others reach their full potential. This part also talks about how achieving an MBA from Prairie View A&M is a major step toward becoming a teacher and affecting other people’s lives in the best possible way.

III. Explanation of my personal perspective on business and why I have been inspired to succeed in business

This part tackles the following topics in relation to my desire to go to a business school:

1.  How business affects practically every aspect of our lives
2.  How the economic crisis is a perfect example of the effect that business has on our lives – This is also an adversity that I have had to overcome, because it’s difficult going to college in these tough economic times.
3.  How my perspective on business has contributed to my passion to become a teacher who can be a positive and meaningful influence on the business minds of today and tomorrow

IV.  Conclusion about how my parents inspired me

This is a short passage about how my parents have helped to foster my appreciation for education. This part also points out the following topics:

1.  Having two parents really helped to have a stable home, which many of my friends weren’t fortunate enough to have.
2.  How my parents always emphasized and encouraged education, passion, dedication, and discipline, which had a great impact on me.
3.  My goal is to instill in others the same passion, dedication, and discipline that my parents instilled in me.

When my family and I first moved to the United States in 1992, I had to make a lot of adjustments. Although I was only a young child, I found it difficult being separated from my friends and my extended family. Everything was new, yet some things were still the same, like the fact that my parents didn’t have much money. Another thing that stayed the same was the immense support and love that my parents had for me. No matter what our circumstances were, they worked hard to raise me right and give me a good education. Their dedication, support, and love taught me about the value of money, the meaning of work ethic, and, above all, the essence of family unity.

I did my best to show my parents just how grateful I am to them by working hard in school, taking up extra curricular activities, and helping with everything I could do around the house. Following in the footsteps of my parents, I worked hard in everything I had to do. Whether it was raising money by selling candy bars to fund a trip to Washington D.C. as a fifth grader, or dealing with the hardships of being part of the first generation in our family to be educated in the US, I poured my heart and soul into all of my endeavors. I must admit, though, that I had not put much importance into education until college. It was only in college that I realized just how important education is, because it was around this time that I saw how my former classmates suffered after forgoing college to join the work force. This inspired me to turn my attention, my passion, and my work ethic toward my schooling, and it paid off as I got the grades that I worked so hard for.

During my college years, I developed an affinity for law school and the legal system, as a whole. I interned for a law firm in West Palm Beach, and I began to develop an interest in law. The lawyer I interned for was a Vietnamese-American, a Mr. Cao who spoke very little to no Vietnamese. So my main purpose there was to help translate for Vietnamese clients. After having dealt with many cases from divorce to immigration, I found a great sense of joy and pride in being able to help people who did not understand English or the laws of this country.

Through my internship experience, I learned to value the concepts of equality, justice, and freedom, because I realized just how essential these concepts have been to my own formation as an immigrant coming to the United States–seeking ways to better my life and the lives of my family members. At the same time, I also had to deal with the inequalities, injustices, and restrictions of being a foreigner in a completely new environment. One thing that always kept me going, though, was my love for music. “Where is the Love”, by the Black Eyed Peas, has always been one of my favorite songs, especially because it ties in so flawlessly with my experience and my passion for law. One of the lines in the song goes, “Practice what you preach, before you turn the other cheek.” Although it is a simple line, it says a lot about the importance of equality, justice, freedom, the law, and the way that we, as individuals, can make a difference in the lives of those around us. And the thought of making a difference is what pushes me to strive for success as a lawyer.

I feel that ________________ Law School is the perfect institution for helping me bring out my passion for law by making me into the best possible lawyer that I can be. I have a vision of working together with struggling Vietnamese immigrants who have moved to the United States and are having trouble understanding the language and the laws of this country. I feel that my personal experiences, my background, my passion, my work ethic, and my strong will to succeed will not only help me achieve success in law school, but will also help cultivate a more culturally diverse environment, where I can contribute my unique and distinctive perspective.

Outline used for this essay

I. Personal biographic information

Starting off my essay with my biographic information has a two-fold purpose.  First, this approach allows me to introduce who I am, the background I came from, and what makes me unique.  Second, the biographical introduction will set the tone of the essay, serving as a foundation to explain my motivations, inspirations, and aspirations toward law school and becoming a lawyer.  Main issues I discussed were the value of money, essence of education, and importance of work ethics.

II.  Discussing educational background and personal experiences

1.  Showing gratitude to my parents by working hard in school
2.  Discussing adversities at a young age: fifth grade trip to D.C. and being the first generation to be educated in the US.
3.  A shift in my concept of education:  At first, I didn’t take education very seriously, but it was only in college that my perception and concept of education changed.  I realized how friends who skipped college had difficulty in life, so I resolved to dedicate myself to my studies to better my future.

III.  Discussing how my interest in law school developed

1.  How my college learnings helped me to better comprehend my own situation as a Vietnamese immigrant studying in the US
2.  How equality, justice, and freedom affected my life in both good and bad ways
3.  Explaining the role of music in helping me get through bad times
4.  Introducing my favorite lines from “Where is the Love,” by the Black Eyed Peas– “Practice what you preach, before you turn the other cheek.”  Discussing the line in the context of equality, justice, freedom, the law, and life in general.

IV.  Explaining my intentions of studying in ____

1.  Discussing how ___ is the perfect educational environment for law
2.  Sharing my vision of helping other Vietnamese immigrants and sharing where I see myself in the future as a lawyer
3.  Tying in my background and my interest in law
4.  How my unique background, nationality, and culture make for a great contribution to the cultural diversity at NSU

College Jolt is a blog with the main purpose of “keeping students awake.” Basically, the website focuses on various topics on up-to-date issues, college life, and practically anything that has to do with college. Some of the categories on the site include college life, college prep, buzz, food and fitness, guys and girls, style, and wired. A good example of some of the topics that are commonly blogged about on College Jolt is the article on “How to Survive the SATs”.

Positive jolt

College Jolt has a recognizable icon that is easy to spot and easy to like. The black, white, green, and blue theme is easy on the eyes. The website has a web app that flashes some of the popular topics on the site. Not only does the applet look good, but it functions well also. Not all blogs have such features and it helps to set College Jolt apart from the other student-help sites. The site is also well-designed in that it doesn’t bombard the eyes of the visitors with loads of links, tags, categories, and other website-cluttering things. Another great aspect of College Jolt is that it has some great topics. College life isn’t all about academics and College Jolt understands this concept, which is why the blog has various categories that all relate to college life. Also, the fact that College Jolt is looking to hire more college writers and photographers is a sign that the site is dedicated to having authentic content created by students for students.

Negative jolt

On the other side of the spectrum, College Jolt has some areas in which it can further improve. Although the design is rather simple and useful, it can be made more convenient by adding extra links under the category drop-down tabs. An “About Us” page would also be a great help, especially for visitors who want to learn more about College Jolt and its mission.

When writing your admission essays, it is very necessary that you start your essay with great impact while ending it with a big bang at the same time. But, how well you will create an impact on your essay depends on your introduction. Introduce your essay with a very strong introductory paragraph with which you will create a content that should have depth. This will keep the interest of your readers to read on your article until the end.

Your readers as one of the most important factors when writing your essay

Always consider the most important factor when writing your personal statement, the admissions panel. Make sure you instantly establish a connection with your readers, after which you maintain that interest to lead them until the end of your personal statement.

Creating a strong impact on your readers

Start off by writing a very strong opening statement or a line with a good and catchy introduction that will grab the attention of your readers. What�s more important is to be able to hold the interest of the readers until the end by using that same impact.

You should make your introduction just about one paragraph to display a deductive nature. In other words, leave the rest to your readers to keep them reading on. Sustaining the interest of your readers is very essential if you really want to take that first step to your dream school.

Other tips in creating an impact on your readers

Aside from using the usual strong opening statements to create impact and, therefore, draw your readers into the essay, you may also use in your opening statements some questions, quotations, and anecdotes to create an impact on your readers. However, you must be careful because most of the time, the opening statement sets the tone for how the essay will go. Therefore, always make sure your introduction complements the rest of your essay.

Related links:

Essay writing styles – About rhetorical questions and other essay writing styles
Admission essay topics – About possible admission essay topics
Paragraph structure – About creating an effective paragraph structure
Effective Introductions – Five effective essay introductions
Writing strategies – Simple essay writing tips for beginners

Writing a personal statement can be very nerve-racking. So if you are a student writing your admission essay, the very first tip you must follow is that you must begin writing way before the set deadline. This will not only lessen the burden of pressure on you but will allow you to make way for the much needed improvement on your personal statement.

Brainstorming ideas for your essay

Put together a listing of all your ideas, then write your first draft without having to worry about anything. Relax for a while and come back for your first draft after to make the final revisions. It would be best to read your revised draft out loud to detect any inappropriate use of words. And when you prepare your final draft, make sure you have brainstormed already, pouring in all possible ideas for the essay. Make sure that the essay is grammar and spelling error-free.

Tips in organizing your admission essay

To have an organized essay, always make sure that you follow the directives of the instructor. And once you have brainstormed all your ideas to start crafting your essay, make sure that you create an outline for them to present your ideas in a more coherent and organized manner. Also, you should also try mapping out your research objectives by creating subheadings or subtopics. This way, you can write your admission essay effectively, which would merit you your acceptance in the school you are applying to.

The importance of having an outline

Writing a personal statement is a very essential requirement of your school application. Considered the face of a student�s application, it is imperative that you exert all your time and effort into crafting an effective and beautiful essay. Start by writing an outline. Remember, a good essay can never do without a good outline. Your outline is the backbone of your essay, so without the outline, you might not come up with a winning essay.

You may start your outline right after doing some brainstorming and research. Then, you may provide additional details like your outlook in life, your determination, and commitment, as well as examples of your previous experiences to highlight your strengths. Emphasize how each has helped you develop into what you have become now. This will surely make your essay stand out among the rest.

Related links:

Essay writing styles – About rhetorical questions and other essay writing styles
Admission essay topics – About possible admission essay topics
Cliches and expressions – About the disadvantages of using cliches and trite expressions
Connecting to readers – About how to connect to your readers
Proofreading tips – All about proofreading tips and strategies

When writing your admission essay, you are usually confronted by various application essay questions. And tackling them entails supporting your answers with specific ideas and examples to convince the admissions panel to finally give you your ticket to your dream school.

Examples of common essay questions or prompts

There are various types of application essay questions that students are asked to answer in their personal statements. These include questions like “Who has been the most influential person in your life?” which is a very common scholarship prompt. Another is the application essay question that is asked to elaborate and explain on a statement like this: “Choose a book or books that have affected you deeply and explain why.” Indeed, there are so many essay questions that are so interesting to write about. Students may even attempt to talk on various topics ranging from the value of sacrifice and the importance of family to leadership, a very common essay prompt for the college admissions essay.

Tips in tackling common essay questions and prompts

If you are a student writing your admission essay, you will be confronted with a variety of essay questions, apart from the supplementary essay questions that the college admissions require from the candidates. Here are some helpful hints that you may use to come up with a sure winning personal statement.

When you are asked to answer an application essay question, you may always choose to write your essay by telling a story. Always relate the question asked to what has been its significant effect on your life, what great impact it has created on your personality, what risks you have taken, and how you handled each risk to emerge victorious. Emphasize how this experience has had great impact on your life and how it has helped you develop into the person you are now.

Other factors to consider (page limit or word count, format, etc.)

Take note of the format required for the personal statement before you answer the essay question. This gives you the chance to make a framework available for the rest of the details in your application. Do not go over the required number of words, and make sure that you use the limited space wisely.

Related links:

Personal statement tips – Practical tips on essay writing
College applications – All about college applications and personal statement
Essay writing styles – About rhetorical questions and other essay writing styles
Admission essay topics – About possible admission essay topics
Exceptional personal statements – About writing top notch admission essays

When writing your personal statement, make sure you know what exactly the admissions panel is looking for in a candidate. Generally, the admissions committee is in search of applicants who have the commitment, capacity, and moral fiber to pursue an MBA degree. The admissions committee would know right away if you are just getting into a program that you think you are interested in and will eventually be short of finishing it, or if you are the type of applicant to pursue the degree and really finish it till the end. That is why you really need to craft an excellent personal statement to guarantee your admission.

Ideal student vs. the real you

When writing your own personal statement, the admissions panel will look for the real you and not what is perceived to be the ideal applicant. They are looking for potential students who can easily fiddle with the new learning environment they are thrown into. The admissions committee, of course, would want to produce graduates who will later on emerge as leaders or achievers.

Exceptionally high grades vs. life experiences

You don’t have to detail your academic achievements to guarantee a winning personal statement. What is most important is that you first establish a connection between you and your reader. This will definitely grab the attention of your reader and will eventually lead to a liking, which could play a very significant role in your application. Remember, the admissions officers look beyond high grades and academic achievements. They are also now looking into the ounce of motivation and determination a student has in dealing with life experiences.

Finding the right mix

A sure tip for a winning personal statement is balance. Achieving the right mix between being the ideal student and the real you amidst life experiences is the best concoction for getting into the school of your choice. Having singled out all your academic credentials, skills, and achievements and matching them well with your determination and persistence will truly give you the homerun to your dream school.

Related links:

Admission essay tips – Writing about your experience in your essay
Paragraph structure – How to make effective paragraph structures
Cliches and expressions
Proofreading tips – Basic proofreading tips
Personal statements – Tips on writing personal statements

Writing an admission essay can really be nerve-racking for most students. The apprehension of being able or not being able to come up with an effective essay that will stand out, topped with the anxiety of getting either accepted or denied in their dream med school is sure enough to crush a young student’s heart. However, there are various tips to come up with a relevant personal statement. Learn how you can actually weed out irrelevant information from your essays.

The importance of submitting a concise and well-written essay

As we always say, your personal statement is your main ticket getting admitted to your school of choice. Therefore, it is very important that you submit a concise and very well-written essay that will guarantee your admission. With the boatloads of personal statements the admission officers have to read, they have no more time to spare for non-sense. So, the moment they set their eyes on your essay and your essay spells T-R-I-V-I-A-L, then surely, you’ll miss going to the school you are aspiring for.

How to weed out irrelevant details from your essay

Here are some tips on how to improve your personal statement to make it stand out:

First, stick to the theme of your essay. Make an outline to know which areas more focus. That way, you will know where to focus your discussion. Scrutinize your essay for any ideas and words that would only mean impressing your readers. Your tone of writing must be relaxed and informative but never bragging. Don’t talk too much about your stories and your life. Have a sense of focus. Check your final draft to see if there are no big words that might only confuse your readers. Weeding out pointless details and redundant statements in your admissions essay is a protocol before submitting it. The admissions panel will never spare time for redundancy.

Getting feedback from others

Let others read your essay. Ask for straightforward opinions and constructive feedback to help you improve your essay before submitting it. Let others check for long-windedness. Were you using too many words to the point that what you’re saying is becoming pointless already? Ask your friends to check for redundancy or for any sign of using big words instead of the more appropriate simple language.

Related links:

Rhetorical questions – About rhetorical questions and other essay writing styles
Overused expressions – About the dangers of using trite expressions in essays
Paragraph structure – About creating an effective paragraph structure
College applications – All about college applications and personal statement
Good personal statements – About how to write a good personal statement

One of the main objectives of an admission essay is to convince the admissions officer or committee of the school and program you are applying for to take you in. There are several topics that you can use for your admission essay, but one of the most effective is your set of academic objectives.

Your academic objectives as an effective essay topic

You are trying to get into a particular academic program and a particular school; it�s important that you tell your reader or readers why. Laying down your academic and career objectives before the admissions committee will help them understand how important getting into their school and program is in realizing your plans and goals.

Effectively discussing your academic objectives in your essay

You can start by saying that you want to finish the program that you are applying for that you want to finish it in their school. Then you can take off on your academic and career plans, carefully describing the reasons behind those plans and how you plan to achieve your dreams. Don�t forget to make sure that getting into the program and into the school are part of your academic objectives. State why you think the school will be able to provide you the knowledge and skills you need.

Other tips when discussing your goals in your essay

You don�t have to say that their school is your only choice or the program is the only program for you, but you can say that the program and school are your best choices. Make your essay short and clear, and be careful not to bore your readers with technical stuff. Give focus on your application, too, instead of just discussing your academic objectives.

Related links:
Rhetorical questions in your admission essay – Admission essay writing tips
Using essay samples – The right way to use essay samples
Your immigrant experiences in your admission essay – Essay topic tips
Sensitive essay themes – More essay writing tips
College admission essay topics – More essay topic tips

Your academic objectives in an essay – How to state your objectives in the essay
Your career plans in your admission essay – Essay writing topic tips for the MBA application process
Customized admission essay – Essay writing tips
MBA essay samples – Some topnotch samples for you
– Tips on writing your MBA essay