sample admission essay

This essay outline and excerpt are based on information sent in by a reader of our blog network.

Excerpt:

Aristotle once said that “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all”.  Every time I read or remember this quote, it fills me with a sense of purpose and responsibility.  At its heart, this quote speaks of a side of education that is, at times, neglected.  By my understanding, the education of the heart is a manner of kindling the flames of character, personality, and moral consciousness.  A full education is one that not only educates the mind, but also makes people aware of themselves, their passions and responsibilities, and giving them the preparation necessary to achieve their dreams and to contribute to society.  This is the model of education that I see in _______________ University and it is the reason why I wish to take up my college education here.

Outline:

I.  Introduction
A.  Aristotle quote: “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all”
B.  Explaining the impact of the quote
C.  Describing how the quote speaks to me and my beliefs in education
D.  Education of the heart = character, personality, moral consciousness
E.  This is why I want to take my studies with ________ University

II.  Explaining my education background
A.  During my middle school and high school life, I struggled to keep my grades up because I struggled with the transition from middle to high school.
B.  In high school, I had troubles:
i.  I was an athlete who participated in three sports.
ii.  I had a difficult time juggling my responsibilities and commitments as an athlete and as a student.
iii.  As I progressed in high school, however, my time management skills improved.
C.  I took studies more seriously and I realized the importance of having a good education.
D.  Striving to do better and to achieve the best level of education.

III.  Applying to ________ University
A.  __________ University is an institution that, I believe, has the proper educational model to help me achieve my dreams and aspirations.
B.  Not only does the school have a great educational system, but it also has other factors that contribute to both the education of the mind and that of the heart.
C.  The college is a total package (diverse student body, excellent learning environment, holistic education philosophy), one that I think will offer a wonderful experience.

This college admissions essay outline and sample paragraph is based on information sent by a reader of  our blog network.

Essay outline:

I.  Introduction

A.  Encountered challenges as a high school student
i.  My transition to middle school and high school wasn’t very smooth, which explains the not-so impressive grades I had early on.
ii.  I had difficulty with time management as a three-sport athlete and full-time high school student.

B.  Doing better in school
i.  In my sophomore year, things have gotten well as I’ve learned to overcome early challenges.
ii.  I’ve strived to do better in school and as an athlete.

C.  Reasons for applying to ____________________
i.  opportunity to learn at a higher level, attain a degree, and secure a good job
ii.  opportunity to grow as a person, socially and intellectually
iii.  having a great experience as a college student at _________________

II.  Going to ____________________

A.  Reasons for choosing a particular course/degree in __________________
B.  How to succeed in Western and stay on top
C.  Goals in life and important values I treasure

III.  Conclusion

A.  Why I make a good fit for ____________________
B.  My traits as an athlete and personal experiences that will help me succeed
C.  How college education at Western will help me secure a better future in my chosen field

First Paragraph:

Transition from middle school to high school wasn’t very smooth for me.  I also had difficulty managing time for after-school activities as a three-sport athlete.  But over time, I’ve learned how to set priorities and make time for school and other activities.  I was able to perform better at school since my sophomore year and have grown a lot as an athlete.  Using these hurdles as a stepping stone, I am ready to embark on a journey and discover my potentials on an entirely new environment away from home.  I believe that ____________________ can give me the best opportunity to be a more well-rounded individual and not just a talented athlete.  Leaving high school made me realize that there’s so much more in life that I have to explore.  I want to secure a bright future through college education and use the values I’ve developed as an athlete such as discipline and leadership to succeed.

This sample essay excerpt and outline is based on information sent in by a reader of our academic blog network.

Essay outline:

I. The importance of knowing your history

A. “A person or nation that does not know its own history has no future.” -Unknown
B. My history is an important influence on my decisions in life. Because of my past experiences, I’ve become a stronger and more determined person, especially when helping others.
C. I grew up in a troubled family. I had several homes and had an abusive stepmom.

II. Volunteer and work experience

A. My experience in ___________ in ____________ – I volunteered at this nursing home and I did learn a lot of things. During the summer of 2008, I learned what it truly means to be patient and understanding by interacting with a lot of nursing home residents.
B. My current job at ______________ in ______________ – I was actually complimented by one customer regarding my amazing kindness and patience toward an elderly who seemed to be confused and kept on attracting attention. This led to me earning the employee of the month award.

III. Why teaching is the perfect profession for me

A. History is very important to me and I want to help others by teaching them how to appreciate history.
B. I have a knack for giving advice to younger people.
C. I want to be a good role model among students.

IV. Why ____________ is the perfect school for me

A. _____________ can help me become a better person and teacher.
B. This school has the perfect environment that can motivate me more to achieve my goals.
C. _____________ has several options for aspiring History teachers like me.

First Paragraph of custom essay based on outline:

History is a very important aspect of the human society. Without knowing our history, we won’t be able to learn from our mistakes and move forward. This is probably the reason why an unknown individual has stated this quote: “A person or nation that does not know its own history has no future.” It’s true that in order to move forward, we have to let go of the past. But I’ve realized that history has a special purpose — to help you figure out what to do in the future. My own history is a big influence on the decisions I’ve made over the past years. I have lived in several places including ______and ________. I’ve also experienced an abusive relationship with my stepmom in ________. However, instead of dwelling on these difficult experiences, I’ve learned how to cope; these experiences raised an awareness in me that most people my age would not understand. These experiences and realizations are my guiding principles in wanting to become a history teacher. I want to teach people how to appreciate history and learn from past mistakes as I did with my own troubled history.

This essay was prepared in accordance with our Free Sample Admission essay program.  If you’d like your own free sample essay, visit this page.

Essay Outline

I.  Introduction to my perception of architecture and my background
a.  Architecture is reflected in our lives
b.  How growing up in Taiping helped me appreciate architecture as shelter
c.  Biography
i.  Being from a middle class family forged in me a sense of responsibility and work ethic
ii.  The importance of education

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If you’re all set to apply for college yet have just the average grades to make it, boost your chances of getting in by writing an excellent college admissions essay.  Members of college admissions panels are usually seasoned at judging students based on the essays that they’ve written and could very well get tired of those that not only reveal a little about the student but are generally boring and poorly written.  Some colleges and universities however have gotten past the boring 250-word essays about one’s skills and have instead devised application topics and questions that are wacky, wild, and outright weird.  The University of Chicago is one such institution that is famous for having weird topics and questions that not only encourage creativity but make the application process a fun and memorable one.(1)  Some found the approach to be even more difficult than writing about why one wants to go to a certain college.  However, the answers to these questions often reveal more about the applicant.  So dredge up those wild, wacky and weird memories and turn them into the winning pieces that will get you into the college of your dreams.
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The chance to enter into a prestigious college or university is not only for those who are on top of their class.  Average students can also have good chances of getting admitted in reputable universities.  So if you are one of those students who don’t have excellent grades in high school, you don’t have to feel discouraged when applying for the university where you want to study.  Just as long as you are confident that you have written a college admissions essay that the admissions officers would notice, you can really increase your chances of getting into your dream school.

Tip #1: List college admissions essay topics before writing college admissions essays.

In most colleges, there is no specific topic given to the applicants.  You are the one who would be deciding upon the topic of your essay.  Selecting a topic is a very crucial stage in the writing process.  For one, all your writing efforts would revolve around your topic.  This is why you have to make sure that you like the topic that you choose.  Your topic and the way you expound it will reveal various things about you such as your preferences, your values, and how you think.(1)

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When putting together your college application package, you will probably be required to submit an application essay.  While your transcripts, resume, and SAT scores will probably be the first thing that schools look at, your college application essay may just be the x-factor that gets you into the school of your choice.  Because of the importance of the application essay, it’s important to think of topics that are interesting and relevant to your application.  If you have had job experience in high school, you may want to focus on that topic, because it shows a sense of responsibility, hard work, and independence.(1)  Read on to learn more about focusing on your high school job experiences in your college application essay or personal statement.

Why including high school job experiences in your application essay or personal statement is helpful

The main purpose of the application essay is to serve as an introduction.  You are introducing yourself to the admissions committee and the college or university that you want to study in.  Writing about your high school job experiences and how they have helped to develop your character is a good way of introducing yourself through your college application essay.  Even just the ability to balance school life and work life is a great advantage of those who worked through high school, which is why it can be favorable for you to write about such a topic.  Working while studying helps to build work ethic, responsibility, and character – three key traits that many admissions committees look for in applicants.(2)

How to discuss what you’ve learned from high school job experiences in your college application essay or college entrance essays

When writing your college admissions essay about your high school job experiences, the number one pitfall to avoid is listing and enumerating.  The resume and personal information that you submit along with your application package will already have the basic information on your achievements and practical experience.  Try to avoid merely listing the jobs or experiences that you have had as a working student and, instead, tell the story of how you have learned valuable lessons, developed important values, and practiced certain virtues.(3)  For example, instead of talking about the kind of work you did, try to single out an instance when you had to make an important decision that helped you learn a lot about yourself, your work, and your life in general.

Aside from the subject matter, you should also concern yourself with the mechanics of the essay and how you present yourself in the essay.  First, make sure that your essay does not have any typographical or grammatical errors.  Take time to edit your essay well and eliminate any and all technical mistakes.  Second, be as truthful and honest as you can.  If the admissions committee finds out that the information in your essay or your other records is not true, then you can forget about getting into the college, because they probably won’t accept you.  Finally, make sure to let your personality shine through.  Remember, you are trying to introduce yourself, so you should let your character and personality come through in your essay.(4)

How a sample application essay focusing on previous work experiences can help you write your personal statement

If you are having a hard time writing your personal statement, try taking a look at some sample application essays that also focus on work experience.  Reading sample essays is a great way to get ideas, inspiration, and motivation for your own essay.  Take note of the theme, tone, and format of the sample application essay so you can get an idea of how to go about your own essay.  Just make sure that you are using the sample admission essays to get inspiration and not to copy from.(5)  You may even want to use sample college admission essays to learn.  For example, you can critique certain sample essays to see what they did wrong and learn from their mistakes to make sure that the essay you write is better.(6)

Why comparing your personal statement draft with a sample application essay can be helpful

So you have finally finished your essay and you are looking for ways to improve on it.  One great way of editing your personal statement draft is to compare it with a sample application essay.  Read both of the papers side-by-side and see if there are any areas that you can edit to make your essay better.  Some of the changes you will make can be as simple as spelling corrections, while other changes may require you to rewrite an entire paragraph.  Make sure to go over your essay a few times until you are happy with it.  You may even want to have your essay read by a parent, teacher, advisor, or counselor to see if they have any helpful suggestions, corrections, or comments.  In the end, what you are aiming for is an excellent college application essay that will help get you a slot in the college of your choice.

(1) http://www.sampleadmissionessay.com/category/college-university-admissions/
(2)  http://www.sampleadmissionessay.com/category/college-university-admissions/
(3) http://collegeapps.about.com/od/essays/a/essay_tips.htm
(4) http://apps.carleton.edu/admissions/apply/essay_tips/
(5) http://businessmajors.about.com/od/applicationessays/Sample_Application_Essays.htm
(6) http://collegeapps.about.com/od/essays/a/EssayYouthBoard_3.htm

In this post, we publish the “raw facts” that went into a sample admission essay for college, the finished essay, and the outline we used.  Leave a comment and send us your feedback.

Raw Biographic facts and Admission Essay questionnaire answers

Admissions Essay raw Questions

Type of institution: Flagler College

Why are you applying to the institution:
Small school
Private College
Deaf Education program
Elementary Education program
Location in Historic St. Augustine
Close to the Florida School of the Deaf and Blind

Essay question asked by the application form:
Tell us something about your past experiences, present and future goals, and how Flagler College fits into these goals. Be sure to stay on topic and write a carefully considered, grammatically correct essay.

Your preliminary answer to this question:Had to take foreign language in high school and I choose to take ASL and I feel in love with it and I then knew I had to keep Sign language in my life. I then took a teaching assistant job in a public school and feel in love with teaching. It was then that I decided to put the two together, I was going to the teach Deaf. When I decided this, Flager College popped into my head due to their highly regarded education programs. I had wanted to go there since I was a little girl and now I knew it was time to apply.

Which favorite quote of yours applies to the question being asked by the application form?
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
- John Ciardi

What best symbolizes the reason you are applying to this instution?
It has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl and its a small, private college.

Do you have a favorite song lyric that sums up the reason you are applying to the institution?
No

Have you overcome any obstacles/disadvantages?
Being able to pay to attend flagler

What do you offer this institution?
I am a strong-willed, highly focused student who values her education. I plan to excel through school with honors.

What do you offer society should you get a degree from this institution?
I plan to teach under privledged children in the deaf community.

Post your family history:
Both of my parents graduated from a two year college, never receiving any further education. They were married for twenty-seven years and were recently divorced.

Where do you want to be 10 years from now?
I want to have obtained my masters degree and be teaching at FSDB. I want to be married, own a house and have a happy family.

Finished Essay

In our lifetime, some decisions we make end up changing the course of our life altogether.  The simple but life-altering act of deciding whether to go after a dream and turn it into a goal, or to drop it and pursue something else, will eventually shape us into the person we will become.  I believe that, throughout the years, I have made such life-changing decisions, ones that I know will follow me wherever I go, ones that have made their mark on me as I try to make the most out of what I’ve been given.

One such decision I made was in high school, when I had to take up a foreign language.  Instead of opting to learn French or Spanish like the majority of the class, I chose to study American Sign Language (ASL) instead.  I have always been intrigued by the way that deaf individuals use their hands to talk to each other, and I figured that being given the chance to take up ASL as a foreign language in school is just the kind of opportunity that I don’t want to miss.

I became engrossed in my ASL classes, and I found myself loving it after just the first session.  I often practiced at home and read books about ASL, intent on learning more and becoming more proficient in this language that is so much different from what I’ve been used to speaking.  I knew right then that I just had to keep sign language in my life.  I had to practice it, and I had to find a way to use it to help others.  When I took a job as a teaching assistant in a public school, I realized that teaching is something that I love doing as well.  Making that realization, I was able to put together the two things I really love doing, and I made up my mind to become a teacher for the deaf.

I had always wanted to go to Flagler College, and my dream of becoming a teacher for the deaf strengthened my desire to enter this school.  There are various reasons why I am choosing this college instead of a university, one of which is that it is a small school.  To quote John Ciardi: “A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.”  With Flagler College, I know that I will get the kind of education I want and need.

As a child, I had wanted to enter this school because it’s a small, private college.  Now that I have a concrete plan regarding the path I want to take and the kind of profession I want to have in the future, I am more convinced that Flagler is the right school for me.  Its deaf education program and elementary education program are excellent, and I’d love to take up these programs because I believe that they will equip me with the knowledge and training I need to be an excellent teacher for deaf individuals. Aside from that, the location of the school is great, being right in historic St. Augustine, and near the Florida School for the Deaf and Blind.

One obstacle that I know I’d have to face is acquiring the funds I need to pay for my college tuition.  Coming from a family that is by no means rich, I know I’d have to do my own share and help my family out in their finances by paying for my tuition on my own, or with just a little help from my parents.  My parents have been married for 27 years, but they have just recently been divorced.  Both of them graduated from a two-year college, and they didn’t pursue further education.

With the economy in crisis, I know that both my parents are having a hard time making ends meet, and I don’t want to add to their burden.  Fortunately, during the past few years, I have diligently been thrifty and have opted to save up a good portion of my allowance.  I only spent for things that were necessary, and then I saved up what was left and put it in a bank.  I did this because I knew that I would have to pay for my college education someday.  Now I’ve got quite a substantial sum of money in the bank that I intend to use for my education at Flagler.  I must say that I am quite proud of myself for having thought about this obstacle ahead of time and for thinking of ways by which I could overcome it in order to fulfill my dream of going to college.

In case I get accepted at Flagler College, I know that I am going to do my best to excel in my studies.  It is actually my goal to do what I can to the best of my abilities, and to graduate from college with honors.  I have always been a highly focused, strong-willed student, and I value my education highly.  Because of this, I have always strived to excel, and I know I’ll always be the kind of person who would keep on chasing her dreams and keep on trying to reach her goals.  I intend to be a positive addition to Flagler’s student body, and when I graduate, I plan to fulfill my dream of becoming a teacher for underprivileged children in the deaf community.  Ten years from now, I think I’ll have obtained my master’s degree by then, and hopefully, I’ll be teaching at the Florida School for the Deaf and Blind.

Of course, my career is not the only thing I’m thinking about.  I also dream of having a happy and healthy family and perhaps a house of my own.  Getting accepted at Flagler is just the beginning of my journey toward becoming who I want to be, but like other things in life, I know this will be vital to my growth as a person.

Essay Outline

Essay outline

I.  Personal information
I opted to begin the essay with my interests, academic inclinations, and the instances that led to the formation of these inclinations because I think it’s important for the admissions officers to have an idea of who I am and what made me decide to prepare myself for a teaching career.

II.  Reasons for wanting to pursue a degree in education at Flagler College
The reasons I have included in the essay to further introduce myself to the admissions officers are the following:
1.  My love for ASL or American Sign Language
2.  My great interest in teaching children
3.  The school’s impressive education programs for the hearing-impaired
4.  The school’s location and proximity to the Florida School for the Deaf and Blind
5.  My childhood dream of studying at Flagler College
6.  My desire to make a difference among the hearing-impaired community

III.  Obstacle I’ve faced
The obstacle I’ve discussed in the essay is about my financial situation because it was such a challenge to save enough money for my tuition at Flagler.  I’ve also included how I was able to deal with this obstacle with the hopes of reaching my goals.

IV.  Goals
The following are my goals that I have included in the essay:
1.  To combine my love for ASL and teaching children
2.  To study at an institution that offers high-quality, personalized education
3.  To teach hearing-impaired students at the Florida School for the Deaf and Blind
4.  To earn my master’s degree ten years from now
5.  To be happily married and have a family ten years from now
6.  To make a difference among the hearing-impaired community

By discussing my goals, the readers would have the chance to know my short-term and long-term plans, as well as how I intend to contribute to Flagler in case I get accepted.

If YOU would like  a FREE  100% custom Sample college admission essay and outline based on your biographical information, please email FREECUSTOMADMISSIONESSAYS (at) gmail.com

First come first served and you have to fill out an agreement form

Whether you are planning to go into undergraduate studies or post-graduate studies, you will probably have to complete and submit an application package for the admissions committee.  The application package is more than just a requirement to get into schools, but it also serves as an introduction of yourself to the admissions committee of the schools that you apply to.  For this reason, it is essential that you do a great job on your application package if you wish to take up undergraduate college or post-graduate studies, especially for popular fields such as medicine.  This article will cover some of the basic differences between the college admissions process and the medical school admissions process.

The medical school admissions process vs.  the college admission or university admission process

The admissions processes for medical schools and undergraduate schools differ in a number of ways.  The most basic and obvious difference is that medical schools usually have more specific application requirements.  Colleges, universities, and medical schools will all ask for your personal information and transcripts, but medical schools usually also require applicants to have taken up specific courses that are related to medicine.  Sciences, such as Biology, Physics, and Chemistry are normally required for medical school admission.  For US schools or international schools, students may be required to have taken up at least one year of English.(1)

In truth, whether you are applying for college or medical school, the application requirements and admissions process will differ from school to school.  Fortunately, programs such as the American Medical College Application Service (AMCAS)(2) and The Common Application for Undergraduate College Admission(3) are making efforts to simplify the application process.  Basically, the AMCAS and the Common Application provide a primary application process that allows applicants to complete and submit a common application form with the basic information that most medical schools, colleges, and universities require.  The application forms are then sent to the schools that the applicant wants to apply to.  The costs for either the AMCAS or the Common Application will depend on the number of schools being applied to.  Applicants who have a chance of getting into the school applied for will be sent a secondary application form with more specific requirements, such as application essays.

Usual college admissions or university application requirements (4)

Application fee
Personal information or resume
Official transcripts
Recommendation letters
SAT or ACT scores
Admissions essay
Interview
Secondary application (if necessary)

Usual medical school requirements (5)

Application fee
Personal information or resume
Official transcripts
Recommendation letters or evaluation letters
DAT, MCAT, or GRE scores
Admissions essays
Interview
Secondary application (if necessary)

Preparing for the medical school admissions process

As can be seen in the lists above, the requirements for medical school and undergraduate schools are quite similar.  In most cases, however, medical schools are stricter when it comes to evaluating, assessing, and accepting students.  For many schools, the number of slots they have available are far fewer than the number of applicants, which is why medical schools normally have high standards.  To get ahead of the competition, try to follow some of the following tips for your medical school application:(6)

Make sure to complete and compile all of the requirements in a neat and organized manner.  Presentation surely isn’t everything, but a clean and neat application package is certainly more welcome than one that has a bunch of markings and crossed-out entries.
Make a schedule so you can keep track of submission deadlines and important meetings, such as interviews or meetings with those who are writing your evaluation and recommendation letters.  Always submit before the deadline, but make sure that you have put in enough time and effort to make the best application package you can.

Try reading some sample medical school admissions essays to get an idea of the questions asked, topics written about, the overall format, and the tone of the essays.  When writing your own essay, be sure to write more than just your achievements.  Tell the story of how your achievements have changed you and helped you develop virtues and values that are essential for medical school and medicine practice in general.(7)

Medical school interviews

One of the most important medical school requirements is the interview.  If you make it to the interview stage of the admissions process, then you are probably on track to getting into the school.  The fact that the school called you in for an interview means that you are actually worth their time and effort to interview.  Here are some tips on how to do a great job on your medical school admission interview:

Try to get to know the school that you are applying to.  Gather information on the history of the school, the courses offered at the school, and what makes it different from other schools.(8)  Take some time to read, understand and formulate answers to some of the commonly asked interview questions.(9)  Finally, try to be confident, but not arrogant.  If you know your goals and why you want to go to medical school, then you will probably do a great job on your interview.  Just relax and have confidence in yourself.

(1) http://www.aamc.org/students/applying/about/start.htm
(2) http://www.aamc.org/students/amcas/
(3) https://www.commonapp.org/CommonApp/default.aspx
(4) http://www.sampleadmissionessay.com/category/college-university-admissions/
(5) http://www.sampleadmissionessay.com/category/medical-school-admissions/
(6) http://careers.dyc.edu/guide/sec5/med_and_law_school_app_tips.htm
(7) http://www.cmu.edu/hpp/achieve/pstips.html
(8) http://gradschool.about.com/od/medicalschool/f/InterviewMS.htm
(9) http://career.berkeley.edu/Health/MedInterview.stm

Even though schools and universities follow pretty much the same processes for selecting and admitting student applicants, there are still pieces of information about the admissions processes of specific schools that you can use to your advantage. This information can range from what the admissions committee find endearing and impressive in applicants’ essays to the usual questions asked during the admissions interview. By doing your research on seemingly little things such as this, you may be increasing your chances of getting accepted into the school or institution of your choice.

Online forums, messageboards, and student blogs

The Internet is such a useful resource for virtually any and every subject you can think of, and this includes inside tips and information on the admissions process of different schools and colleges. To get inside tips on the admissions process of your desired school, you can check out online messageboards and student forums where you can talk to existing students of that school or those who have also applied to your chosen school. You can post topics and threads to ask the forum members about their experience with the whole admissions process — how their interview went, what questions were asked, which admissions staff to watch out for, etc.

Contact existing students, alumni, and admissions officers

Other reliable sources of information on how to make your application successful are of course the people who have actually studied, or are studying, in the school you’re applying to. It is during these times that you have to make use of your social networks to get in touch with people who have successfully and unsuccessfully applied to the same school. Getting tips and suggestions both from passers and non-passers is helpful so that you’ll know what to do and what mistakes to avoid. You can also call admissions officers to ask them questions about the procedures and steps, but it’s better that you contact students and alumni if you really want to get tips and tricks on how to do well in your application.