sample admission essay

One of our readers sent in a request for a free sample essay outline and sample draft essay.  Here is the finished draft.  If you’d like a free essay sample and outline, click HERE
I. The world is changing

a.  How I view changes
b.  Purpose of application

II.  Strategic Management Master program, Rotterdam school of management

a.  Reasons for choosing Strategic Management Master Program
b.  Reasons for selecting Rotterdam School of Management

III. Contribution

a.  Contribution to the institution
b.  Constribution to the society

IV. Problems faced

a.  Separated parents
b.  Weakness in writing

Sample essay:

Indeed, “the world is changing,” as the lyrics of my favorite song goes.  But is this change for the better?  I believe the answer depends on who asks the question.

Today, companies are growing fast and the ways we do business is changing as well.  New forms of doing business arise and business itself expands to an international scale.  I say that change is a good thing for me because I have always dreamed of working in a corporate landscape where healthy competitions and opportunities for development are everywhere.  I imagine myself working in a big consultancy company where I can meet challenges with real-time solutions, conceive ideas, and tap potentials that could help advance my career and contribute to my personal growth as a person and as a business professional.

I know that all these will someday turn into a reality with the help of a degree in Strategic Management Master Program of Rotterdam School of Management, Erasmus University.  This program will introduce me to the multi-faceted functions of a successful business enterprise.  It will also equip me with ideas and analytical tools that could me when I go further into the corporate world.

I chose the Rotterdam School of Management of Erasmus University in Europe because I want to pursue my education in a first-world country, where business success is legendary and almost everywhere.  I want to know how successful people and business corporations conduct business, using different types of effective strategies.  Erasmus University can provide me the education and training I need, as it is known for developing the minds of its students toward the fast-changing world.  The knowledge and skills I will acquire from the program will help me be a competent business leader in the arena of global development.

If the University deems me worthy to be nurtured under its wing, I can offer my experiences, knowledge, and skills to this institution and help create a more collaborative intellectual environment for us students.  I will use the training and experience in the University to help spread new ideas and continue to innovate as a free-thinking individual.  I hope that someday, I can help generate more jobs that offer decent wages to workers by seeking new and effective ways for the business to grow with help from Strategic Management.

I am confident that I can succeed in the program because I never stop dreaming and look at the positive ways to make life better.  Even if my parents got separated at my very young age, I didn’t see it as an obstacle.  There were difficult times, but I focused on the brighter side of things.  Although our family life has changed, it didn’t make me any less of a person.  I’m proud to say that my parents, though separated, worked together in making me a more confident and well-rounded individual.  They trust me to make my own decisions and go for the things that will make me a better person.  By putting so much faith in me, I don’t see failure as mere hindrance but also as a stepping stone.

Although writing this essay was a big challenge for me, since I don’t consider myself much of an articulate writer, I learned that with perseverance and dedication, there are ways to make things possible.  And I want to take my chance by getting the education I need to succeed in my chosen field.

So you have finished the draft of your application essay and you have revised your thoughts and arguments at least thrice, but is it the end of the project? You still need to do a final run on editing and proofreading. Here are some tips:

Essay editing tip 1: Start with the basic rules of grammar

Before you go to the dangling modifiers, check the simpler mistakes first. Check if all your sentences adhere to proper subject-verb agreement and the simplest grammar rules. If some expert writers commit mistakes on these areas, it simply proves one thing–nobody can turn in a perfect writing piece without thorough editing. If you want to use a grammar and spelling checker, then do so to double-check your proofreading efforts. But don’t solely depend on it. Even some checkers can miss errors that are hard to recognize. These include homonyms, modifiers, and syntax errors.

Essay editing tip 2: Check if the writing style used in admission essay writing is effective

Recheck the essay based on content and effective writing strategies. Does it follow the instructions of the admissions committee? If they say that they want an argumentative essay, does your essay adhere to the classification? Is your writing style fit for a persuasive essay, or is your tone too casual? Even with the best experiences and reasons to get into college, you can’t convince readers without expressing your points of view clearly in a way that they can understand you better and you can appeal to them more effectively. It would do you good to let someone critique your essay to know if your writing style is effective or not.

A methodical approach to editing would assure that you won’t miss glaring errors and can turn in an essay that meets the expectations of the admissions panel. Checking the writing style is a must if you want your admission essay to be labeled as top notch.

Related questions:

1. What comes after writing all the contents on the admission essay?
2. Is it a good thing to depend solely on the computer for the checking of one’s grammar?
3. Is it advisable to use an overly formal tone of voice in personal statements?

When you are done pouring all your ideas and thoughts on paper, the next step is to revise your draft. You should review and edit the contents of the admission essay. This may entail adding and subtracting ideas, and a lot of polishing in certain areas of writing. Take a good look at the following pointers for proofreading and editing.

How to proofread for basic grammar and syntax errors

Keep an eye out on grammar errors, spelling mistakes, and syntax issues. It’s easy to overlook some of them, if you’re too engrossed in writing the admission essay. As the author yourself, you easily miss these common issues in writing. So you won’t miss any of these errors, you can do batch editing. According to many experts, a good way to proofread an admission essay is to first focus on a single aspect, punctuations for example, then go from the top and down the line, focusing only on the punctuations and nothing else. When that is done, then go to another aspect, grammar or something else. This way, you would be more focused and by the end of it all, your essay stands a good chance of wowing those critical readers.

How to edit the content of your admissions essay

When it comes to content, you need to check for relevance, logic, brevity, and transition. Basically, you have to make sure that the ideas are pulled together in a cohesive way. Make sure that the admission essay presents information about yourself that is relevant to your application. Remove any random thoughts if they don’t support your thesis statement and does nothing to improve the theme and flow of your essay. One good tip is to read your essay aloud to see how it sounds. Also ask someone to critique your essay to make sure that it’s persuasive enough.

Proofreading and editing are truly taxing chores, but there is no escaping them. Whether you do it alone or with the help of somebody else, it would get rid of those ugly misspellings and syntax errors and make sure that the content is meaningful, concise, and well-presented.

Related questions:

1. What do I have to do if I am not so good in grammar and such?
2. What are effective proofreading techniques for admission essays?
3. Is there a better way of editing the admission essay?

The admission essay is one of the most crucial requirements one has to meet in the course of applying for college. The bad news is, it’s totally unlike a high school essay where you can focus on sentence construction and grammatical flaws, and you are safe. With admissions essays, you need to focus on a dozen things for it to be perfect. The good news is that with commitment and common sense, you could overcome these hurdles.

Good college admission essays discuss future goals that show how determined the applicant is and how he or she can take full advantage of the education and training provided by the school. Here are some tips:

Be realistic when discussing future goals in college application essays

When discussing any future goal, make sure that they’re achievable. While you can always dream big, readers would want to hear about goals that you can realize. You surely don’t want to come off as too idealistic or overly ambitious. Instead of simply stating your future goals in the admission essay, show readers how you can achieve them. Tell them how good college education and training can help you meet your goals.

Include short-term and long-term goals when writing your application essay for college

It serves you well if you give readers a clear picture of where you want to be five or more years from now. Long-term goals show how dedicated you are and that you have a clear purpose in life. On the other hand, short-term goals will show how realistic you are with your aspirations and that you’re not just another dreamer who can’t take actions to get near his or her ambitions. Short-term goals are easier to achieve. Without them, there may not be a bridge to your far-end goals and ambitions.

When discussing future goals in your college application essay, don’t just enumerate them. Instead, go into details to show your readers how serious you are about college education.

Related questions:

1. How honest should one be in writing the admission essay?
2. What is an example of a bad declaration on the application essay?
3. Is foresight a trait that essay readers look for?

This essay is based on actual biographical information sent by a reader of this blog.  If you’d like a free sample essay and outline, please check out our free essay post and send your information today.  Please note that whatever sample essay material we post on this blog is solely aimed at helping you organize/write your own essay.  Please don’t copy any materials on this blog and turn it in as your own work.

Masters in Psychology Sample Admission Essay Outline

I. Background
a.  Growing up in church community
b.  Learning values
c.  Joining and founding church programs

II.  Education and perspective

a.  BA in Theology (Leadership and Ministry)
b.  Belief in the need to help others
c.  Intention of earning a Master’s in Counseling Psychology
d.  Aspiration to be a church/biblical counselor

III.  Purpose

a.  Going beyond evangelization to reach out to others
b.  Helping people in need/distress
c.  Advantage of being a counselor in church community setting
d.  Bolstering the community
e.  Helping people be happier and more fulfilled with their lives

Growing up, my family and I have always played an active role in our church community.  Be it in taking part in
community events, attending Bible study meetings, or simply attending services, I always enjoyed and felt fulfilled in
being a part of the church and having the opportunity to help those around me.  Growing up as a part of the church, I
learned the value of community, healthy fear and love for God, and deep respect and sense of responsibility toward
those around me.  As such, I found myself becoming increasingly involved in the community.  Not only would I join
more church activities, but I would also start founding and leading my own youth programs.  With God’s grace, I was
fortunate enough to find and heed my calling at an early age, making it easier for me to choose my
educational and vocational paths.

In college, I earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Theology – Leadership and Ministry.  It was a course that fit right with
my interests, my passion, and my desire to help those around me.  I believe that God has ordained us leader in the
local church as His primary vessel to tend to the personal distresses and needs of those around us.  Unfortunately, not
many people are willing or able to take the reigns for such a task, which is why I have dedicated myself to the calling of
being of service to others as God’s instrument of compassion and love.  My goal is to pursue a higher level of
education that will compliment my background as a Theology graduate and give me all of the tools, training, and
knowledge necessary to be the best counselor I can be within the church setting.  I intend on earning a degree in
Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology so that I can pursue my aspirations of developing and enhancing Bible
counseling programs that will be integrated into the local church community.

I have always believed that Christian service goes beyond evangelization and that there is a true need to reach out to
others in ways that will touch their minds and hearts so that they may lead more rewarding lives.  The unique advantage
of being a counselor within the local church is that the community itself serves as a well of strength, sympathy,
compassion, care, love, acceptance, help, and hope for those who are in need of counseling.  As a counselor in my
church community, I truly feel that I can help others by mobilizing these resources, creating new programs, and
reforming existing programs to provide the best possible help to those in need of counseling.

By building loving and caring relationships with members of the church community, counselors are able to support those in need and those in distress, to restore their hope, faith, and love in Christ so they may lead more productive, happier, and more fulfilling lives.  This is my dream, and I believe that this institution will provide me with the best education, training, and experience in Counseling Psychology to help me heed my calling.

The nursing school application essay outline and sample essay below was organized using information a site visitor sent us.  Want a FREE sample essay and outline?   Check out our free sample essay writing program and send us your information today.

I.  Background in nursing

a.  Excelling as a registered nurse
b.  Experience in ICU
c.  Change in perspective

II.  Practical experience and the change

a.  Caring for patients with ventricular assist devices, ventilators, CVVH, etc.
b.  Significance of compassion and helping
c.  “You never know how strong you are…”

III.  Pursuing a master’s degree in Nurse Anesthesia

a.  Wholistic nurse
b.  Continued growth and development as a nurse/human being
c.  Sharing with others through education/interaction
d.  Teaching experience and being part of Confusion and Delirium committee
e.  Wanting more

IV.   Aspirations for the future

a.  Practicing nursing anesthesia
b.  Becoming a teacher
c.  Preparing the minds of the future
d.  Symbol of the circle

When I first entered the field of nursing, my main ambition was to excel in my practice as a registered nurse.  After completing my studies, I trained and worked as a registered nurse in the intensive care unit, taking care of patients and aiding doctors in the surgical intensive care unit, obstetrical suites, and the medical intensive care unit.  As I continued my nursing career, my perspective, goals, and outlook began to change.  Instead of simply wanting to be a great nurse, my direction and focus took a shift toward taking my profession to new heights.

When I was tasked to care after patients with ventricular assist devices, ventilators, CVVH, and Rotoprone beds because of multiple organ failure, my eyes and my heart were opened to new and profound revelations about my profession and my aspirations.  In order to work effectively and efficiently, nurses, doctors, and other medical staff need to have a compassionate heart toward their patients and toward life in general.  The stresses and challenges that have come my way throughout the years would easily have overwhelmed me if not for the care and empathy that I feel toward the patients and people that I deal with.  Having been fortunate enough to be exposed to the struggles and triumphs of the patients I deal with has given new meaning to one of my favorite quotes: “You never know how strong you are… until being strong is the only option.”  I now feel a deeper and more profound respect and responsibility toward the people around me, especially toward the patients for whom I do everything I can to play a part in saving their lives.  Now, I feel my own calling to show strength, fortitude, determination, and dedication toward my goal, that I can aid more patients on their journey to a healthy recovery.

My main reason for pursuing a master’s degree in Nurse Anesthesia is to fulfill my aspiration to become a holistic nurse who can provide services as a patient’s advocate, social worker, educator, practitioner, and comforter.  By earning a master’s degree in Nurse Anesthesia, I am hoping to encounter new and even more challenging experience that will help on my continued growth and development, not only as a practitioner, but also as a human being.  Not only will I play a critical role in life-saving procedures, but I will also have the opportunity to share my experience with others through educating patients and other colleagues in the field of nursing.  Following this path, I taught classes on hemodynamic monitoring while using the pulmonary artery catheter.  I also became a part of the Confusion and Delirium committee, which analyzes the amount of sedatives being used for every ventilated patient to evaluate if we are unnecessarily over-sedating patient’s due to delirium caused by other metabolic issues.  When I was given a performance award for providing education to other staff members, I felt extremely satisfied and fulfilled, although I had a hunger for more.

Providing education and being a part of such committees has allowed me to experience healthcare in a more holistic manner, and now I want to take that a step further by earning a master’s degree in Nursing Anesthesia.  As I pursue my studies and profession in nursing anesthesia, I hope to open the doors to new opportunities to help others.  By earning my nursing anesthesia education from this institution, I know that I will have the best chances of fulfilling my passion to help others and seeing the fruits of my labor.   Furthermore, I intend to spend the latter portion of my career as an educator, and earning a master’s degree will be essential for me to reach this goal.

Just the thought of being able to offer something as small as a few hours of my time to change or even save the life of another person is what motivates and drives me to succeed at bringing my career full circle, as a holistic nurse who will continue the tradition of education in the field of nursing, preparing those who will be the nursing and medical leaders of the future.

The following is a free sample admission essay based on information a reader of this blog sent in.  Want a free sample essay?  Email us for a FREE essay and outline today.

My favorite Indian proverb translates: “Don’t just cross a river — cross it bearing fire!”  To me, these simple yet powerful words speak not only of a journey, but also of purpose, preparation, and pioneering–three tenets that I believe should be at the heart of every endeavor in life.  Today, I am face-to-face with the journey toward my aspirations of becoming one of the best healthcare providers in my home country, India.

When I left my small home town to study for college in one of India’s mega cities, I had a purpose.  My purpose was to take up Homeopathy at one of the country’s leading universities.  I learned about various aspects of homeopathic healthcare, a line of study that coincides well with my dream of offering widespread and affordable healthcare through homeopathic practices.  The study and practice of homeopathy also synergizes well with my interest in Indian philosophy and my passion for Indian culture.  Although I studied to become a homeopathy doctor, much of my practice since graduating from college has been in the line of allopathy.  In fact, I worked as an intern in a allopathic clinic, where I was able to interact with many people and educate them about the benefits of homeopathy.

Now, I seek to prepare myself for my journey toward becoming a homeopathic healthcare provider in India, crossing “the river” from India to America, where I intend on taking up an MBA in Healthcare from ________ College.  I believe that ________ College has great educational values and a diverse student body, truly an educational institution where I can learn a lot from both faculty and student interactions.  I also believe that I can make quite a significant contribution in classroom discussions, case studies, and debates through my unique perspective because of my background, upbringing, education, interests, and experiences.

I am not only an Indian woman with a bachelor’s degree in Homeopathy, but I am also going to be the first generation in my family to study in the United States.  I am married to an Indian computer professional who is working in the US on an H1 Visa.  We both enjoy closely following the political and economic changes caused by the phenomenal growth of India, the “Asian Tiger.”  When I first thought of moving from India to America, I was rather apprehensive, because I was unsure about how my career would be affected by the move.  After extensive research and careful consideration, however, I truly feel that ________ College can give me the best healthcare administration schooling and the best preparation to attain my goals in life.

In a decade, I envision myself back in India, working as the managing director of a pharmaceutical company or a health maintenance organization.  After gaining extensive experience with such companies and organizations, my dream is to become a pioneer by founding a hospital that will provide a wide variety of homeopathic and traditional medicine services at an affordable price.

Beyond my career aspirations, I also want to become a pioneer in my parent’s eyes, to make them proud of my being the first generation to “cross the river… bearing fire,” and finding success in my migration.  On the subject of family, I also aspire to be the best wife and mother I can be.  I wish to provide my future children with the best upbringing and education possible, that one day they may become the next generation to have an inspired purpose, to study abroad and seek proper preparation, and to become pioneers in their own right.  I believe that pursuing and earning my MBA education from ________ College will set me on the right path to reaching all of my goals and aspirations.

OUTLINE FOR THIS ESSAY
I. Indian proverb: “Don’t just cross a river — cross it bearing fire!”

a.  Explaining meaning
b.  Purpose, preparation, pioneering
c.  Journey toward healthcare

II.  Explaining my purpose

a.  Background and education
i.  From small town to mega city
ii.  Bachelor’s degree in Homeopathy

b.  Practical experience
i.   Allopathy
ii.  Educating and interacting with people

III.  Eplaining the journey and preparation

a.  MBA in Healthcare from _____ College
i.  educational values
ii.  diverse student body
iii.  will give proper preparation for future

b.  What I have to offer ________

i.  Indian woman versed in homeopathy
ii.  Follow news on Asian Tiger
iii.  Married to computer professional
iv. 1st generation to study abroad
v.  apprehension of moving (career)

IV.  Toward the future and becoming a pioneer

a.  Career
i.  Managing director (pharma or HMO)
ii.  Founding hospital

b.  Family
i.   Make parents proud
ii.  Be a good wife and parent
iii.  Dreams for children

c.  MBA from __________

Agent Jade written by Absolut College Girl is a blog by a college student who is currently taking up Geography. The blog has a wide variety of topics that are all brought together by the common theme of a college girl seeking the “Ultimate College Experience.” For example, you can find college-related topics like “Cautionary Notes from a Disgruntled Senior to the Freshman” or more random topics like “Five Reasons Why You Should See Slumdog Millionaire.”

Things to like

What makes this blog is the personality and attitude that shines through in each of the blog entries. The website exudes personality, from the large, bright pink and yellow opening page down to the snappy article titles and the overall perspective of the articles. A quick visit to the “About Me” page and you’ll find out where all of that personality comes from as the author describers herself, her interests, and the purpose of her blog.

Things to improve on

On the good side, AgentJade excels in the one thing that most blogs fail at: having a personality that the audience can relate to. On the bad side, AgentJade has some problems with her overall blog design. First, it is difficult to navigate. Personally, I hate having to scroll all the way down the webpage just to find the site’s navigation links. Perhaps some navigation buttons along the top of the page or on the left margin would make it easier for us visitors. Second, hardly any of the blog entries have pictures. Pictures play a big role in capturing and keeping the interest of the readers. There’s just no excuse not to put some good pictures up there, especially considering the fact that the author enjoys sharing her experiences, feelings, and interests. Finally, there is nothing on the front page of the blog that tells the reader what it is all about. Even though “written by Absolut College Girl” gives readers a hint, there should be some other indication of what people can find on the blog.

College Freshman Survival is a blog that has articles on various topics that are related to college freshmen. Behind the website is a successful television news reporter named John Spiropoulos. Basically, his main goal is to provide a blog with advice, tips, tricks, guides, and information to help freshmen succeed in college. The blog was inspired by a DVD video entitled “College: The Big Change,” which is a “guide for first year students.” Some of the types of topics you can find on College Freshman Survival include up-to-date articles, like “Health Insurance Alert”, or freshman survival tips, such as “College Online Etiquette 101.”

What’s keeping College Freshman Survival afloat?

What I enjoy the most about College Freshman Survival is the design of the website. Unlike many of the other blogs out there, this site has a relatively unique design. Pencil icons, leather hide background, ripped-notebook header, and a good font selection all help to make College Freshman Survival a great looking website that is easy to use and navigate. Another great thing about this website and its program is the fact that it was planned and produced through the combined efforts of professors, all of whom are doctorate degree-holders. Furthermore, the blog has a solid inspiration, “The Big Change” DVD, which can help to spread word about the blog and its purpose. Finally, the blog entries are well-written, providing a great deal of accurate and precise information that fits in perfectly with the theme of the site.

What’s threatening the survival of College Freshman Survival?

The biggest downside of the College Freshman Survival blog is that it lacks articles. As of the beginning of September, the site only has around 14 articles. Although the articles are packed with great information that is relevant, helpful, and well-presented, the lack of articles is a huge threat to the success of the blog.

Green Student U is a website with a clever idea. This blog is dedicated to keeping students updated with the latest news, issues, resources, tips, guides, and information on leading an environmentally conscious life. With articles like “Green Dorm Rooms on Display at University of Virginia”, it’s safe to say that Green Student U’s target audience is the college student. The blog also has articles about pressing issues and news related to green living, which means that it’s a great blog for practically anyone concerned about the environment.

Green Student U goodies

Perhaps the greatest aspect of this blog is its main cause. Not only does Green Student U have a good perspective that is up-to-the-times, but it is also putting forth a positive mission and message. Living an eco-friendly lifestyle can help students save on money and it is also good for the world as a whole. The information that you can find on Green Student U is very useful, practical, and meaningful. For example, many of the blog posts and articles are about pollution concerns, electric vehicles, energy conservation, as well as laws, regulations, and projects related to environmentalism. The site has an attractive design that is soothing on the eyes, with its earth-tone color scheme and well-designed, large icons.

Room for improvement

Despite all the good things that Green Student U has to flaunt, the website can use some upgrades regarding its layout. Larger pictures may be more appealing for visitors and readers. Also, enlarging the pictures will help to fill in the rather large, black gap between the blog entries and the icons along the right margin. A more intuitive web design would be nice as well, to help in making the blog more unique in design and decoration. For example, expanding menus under each category tab would be a great improvement both in design and ease-of-navigation.